Like the way you Think

A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?"

The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"

The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"

The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."

To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!"

By all means... MARRY!


I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." -Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." - James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." - Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. - Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." - Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive. "

Salary Hike

There was heavy rush in the bus...One man was taking advantage of the situation... he was touching a lady standing near by him.

Lady turned to him and said "you are touching your thing to me"

Man : "Please do not misunderstand...it is actually my salary in my pocket"

Lady : "Oh that's great.. you got salary hike 5 times in last 10 mins."

Geography of women

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.
She is half discovered, half wild.

Between the ages of 20 - 30 a woman is like America .
Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India & Japan .
Very hot, wise and beautiful !

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France.
She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Germany.
She lost the war but not the hope.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia .
Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England.
With a glorious past but no future.

After 70, they become Siberia .
Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.