Salary Axiom

A shopkeeper watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth. He takes the note and it reads "Can I have a dozen soaps and a shampoo, please. The money is with the Dog." The shopkeeper looks inside and to his surprise there is a 500 rupees note there. So he takes the money and puts the soaps and shampoo in a bag and places it in the dog's mouth. 

The shopkeeper is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog.

So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the shopkeeper following him all the way.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The shopkeeper is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The shopkeeper follows the dog into the bus. The dog then shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The shopkeeper is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop.

It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The shopkeeper watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The shopkeeper surprised with this, runs up, and tops the guy.

"What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me! "To which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."

Moral: You may continue to exceed onlookers expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations. 
It's a dog's life after all. :)

Cat walking back home

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened. He kept increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept coming home before him.

At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.

An hour later.... The man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.

Frustrated the man said," Put that cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions to reach home!!!

Moral: "How much ever we dislike somebody, someday we will need their assistance.  So never worry how many people dislike you.... "

Funny Leave Applications

IT Company , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows: 
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave." 
--------------------

This is from another IT Company, Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: 
"As I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.." 
--------------------

Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: 
"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
--------------------

From H.A.L. Administration Dept: 
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave." 
--------------------

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: 
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave" 
--------------------

An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday." 
--------------------

A leave letter to the headmaster: 
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today" 
--------------------

Another leave letter written to the headmaster: 
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day." 
--------------------

Covering note: 
"I am enclosed herewith..." 
--------------------

Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..." 
--------------------

Actual letter written for application of leave: 
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave". 
--------------------

Letter writing:- 
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well." 
--------------------

A candidate's job application: 
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both (!!) for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.