Who is Balakrishna?
If you do not know who is Balakrishna..... here you go
1. Balakrishna makes onions cry
2. Balakrishna can delete the Recycle Bin.
3. Ghosts are actually caused by Balakrishna killing people faster than Death can process them.
4. Balakrishna can build a snowman..... out of rain.
5. Balakrishna can strangle you with a cordless phone.
6. Balakrishna can drown a fish.
7. When Balakrishna enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on,.............. he turns the dark off.
8. When Balakrishna looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Balakrishna and Balakrishna.
9. Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Balakrishna can throw Brett Favre even further.
10. The last digit of pi is Balakrishna. He is the end of all things.
11. Balakrishna does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
12. Bullets dodge Balakrishna.
13. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Balakrishna and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
14. Balakrishna' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Balakrishna.
15. If you spell Balakrishna wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Balakrishna? " It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
16. Balakrishna can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
17. Once a cobra bit Balakrishna' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
18. When Balakrishna gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
19. Balakrishna can kill two stones with one bird.
20. Balakrishna was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
21. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Balakrishna can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
22. There is no such thing as global warming. Balakrishna was cold, so he turned the sun up.
23. Balakrishna can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
24. Balakrishna has a deep and abiding respect for human life? unless it gets in his way.
25. Balakrishna once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
26. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Balakrishna could use to kill you, including the room itself.
27. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Balakrishna.
28. Balakrishna destroyed the periodic table, because Balakrishna only recognizes the element of surprise.
29. Balakrishna got his drivers license at the age of 18 Seconds.
30. With the rising cost of petrol, Balakrishna is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
31. The square root of Balakrishna is pain. Do not try to square Balakrishna, the result is death.
32. When you say "no one's perfect", Balakrishna takes this as a personal insult.
33. Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet with Balakrishna
34. Balakrishna has counted to infinity - twice
35. When Balakrishna does a pushup, he isnt lifting himself up, he's pushing earth down
36. Balakrishna is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
37. Balakrishna doesnt wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
38. Balakrishna gave MonaLisa that smile
39. Balakrishna can slam a revolving door
40. Balakrishna's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
41. Balakrishna grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
42. If you google search "Balakrishna getting kicked" your search will generate 0 results. It just doesn't happen.
43. It takes Balakrishna 20 mins to watch 60 minutes
44. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Balakrishna kicked one of the corners off.
45. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Balakrishna lives in Hyderabad
46. Balakrishna once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink
47. The only thing that runs faster and longer than Balakrishna are his films.
48. Balakrishna's every step creates a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of a morning jog.
49. Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Balakrishna there is no other way.
Mail from a Chain-mail Victim
Hi,
I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2005 & 2006.
Because of your kindness :
IMPORTANT NOTE: If you do not send this e-mail to at least 1246 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will SH** on your head today at any time.
Thanks and Regards,
a frustrated (still hopeful) chain mail victim!!
I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2005 & 2006.
Because of your kindness :
- I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.
- I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
- I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.
- I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.
- I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.
- I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
- When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
- I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)
- I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program would arrive soon.
- My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.
- Still open to help some from Bulgaria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle's property who died in a plane crash with all his family, and also leaving no relatives, of some hundred thousand million $.
- Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh Vandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc.. now most of those 'Wishes' are already married (to someone else)....maybe they must've forwarded it many times much before I had done it.
IMPORTANT NOTE: If you do not send this e-mail to at least 1246 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will SH** on your head today at any time.
Thanks and Regards,
a frustrated (still hopeful) chain mail victim!!
Love this doctor - For his advice
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Google Car - Camera that took Street pictures
Google Maps has a Street View feature using which one can actually see a 360 degree view of the Street. Here is a sample:
View Larger Map
Ever wonder how they took these pictures? Well... this is the vehicle that took those pictures:
Source: Telegraph
View Larger Map
Ever wonder how they took these pictures? Well... this is the vehicle that took those pictures:
Source: Telegraph
21 Changes to IPL
The following 21 changes will be made to renew our pride in continuing with the world's best "Cric-entertainment" league - the IPL
1. The new Commissioner of the IPL, replacing Lalit Modi, will be an IAS officer, 1989 batch, transferred from the Food Corporation of India.
2. Mayawati will demand, however, that the new Chairman should be her own candidate, Mr Dalit Modi.
3. The name of Mumbai Indians will immediately be changed to Mumbai Manus. It will, naturally, field only Maharashtrians (preferably Maharashtrian Brahmins). All other players will have their legs broken. Zaheer Khan will have his house burned down. So will Irfan Pathan, Yusuf Pathan and Mohd Kaif.
4. The Chennai Super Kings team will be renamed Dravida Cricket Kazhagam. Subsequently one faction will break away and the team will split into DCK (DMK) and AIADCK, owing allegience to Karunanidhi and Jayalalitha respectively.
5. Each political party will have its own team: BJP Bandits, Congress Cobras, CPI Cadres, Samajwadi Strikers, CPM Challengers, Trinamul Tigers etc.
6. Auction of players will be replaced by teams calling for tenders for players. The lowest priced players will be picked.
7. Sonia Gandhi will insist that 30% of each team should be reserved for women.
8. Mayawati will demand that SC/ST players will need to run for only 18 yards instead of 22 yards between the wickets.
9. Third Umpire requests will have to be filled in triplicate and duly notarized.
10. All Third Umpire decisions will be referred to a Joint Parlimentary Commission.
11. IPL tickets will henceforth be available at all post offices and BSNL centers from 10 a.m. to 12.45 p.m. The facility to purchase tickets on your cellphone will immediately be withdrawn.
12. Replacing an injured foreign player can be done only through a Tatkal application submitted 48 hours after a Govt doctor examines him.
13. Cheerleaders will be replaced by retired Air-India flight attendants.
14. These new cheerleaders will perform the folk dances of the states they represent during breaks.
15. IPL matches will be shown only on Doordarshan. They will be telecast the day immediately following the match, from 4 a.m. to 7.30 a.m. and subsequently from 3.30 p.m. to 7p.m, subject to satellite link-up availability.
16. Between each innings break Doordarshan will telecast the news in Hindi, followed by news for the hearing impaired.
17. Agricultural shots can be played only during the phase of the game termed " Krishi Darshan."
18. There will be no matches on weekends or on national / regional holidays.
19. The three stumps will be painted saffron, white and green.
20. Bowlers will have to bowl sarpatti and ghasssarkundi balls (Hindi terms for underhand bowling) to the reserved players.
21. Pakistan will immediately announce its intention to start its own version of the tournament called PPL and Mr Zardari will make a visit to Washington to meet President Obama and seek an additional grant of $1 billion to fund it .
Nuclear Power and Shit
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said: "Let's talk, I am sure that flights are faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and asked the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know", said the stranger.
"How about nuclear power?" The girl asked.
"Ok," he said "That could be an interesting topic!"
The girl continues: "But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"The stranger thinks about it and says:"Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies:"Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
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Visit Funny Stuff for more jokes.
The little girl who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and asked the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know", said the stranger.
"How about nuclear power?" The girl asked.
"Ok," he said "That could be an interesting topic!"
The girl continues: "But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"The stranger thinks about it and says:"Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies:"Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
------------------------------------------------------------
Visit Funny Stuff for more jokes.
When God asked me to marry again
A funny narration by Mr. Ranjan about his dream where God asked him to marry again. The funny part is the conversation about this topic with his wife.
"God wanted a favour from you?" I did notice a smile escaping on Rekha's face.
"Yes. Apparently, God has a 56 year old devotee who has a 27 year old daughter named Pratiksha. He wants me to marry her."
.....
"Rekha, I swear I can identify God's voice. The lightening was equivalent to three or four tube lights and the boom in his voice can't be replicated unless somebody had installed 3000 Watts Bose speakers."
"So, I understand you are going ahead with God's dictate and marrying that Pratiksha girl?"
What matters? Performance or Position
A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a
loud
shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a
loud
shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God asks him: "Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether
to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?"
The guy replies: "I am Pandi, Auto driver from Chennai!"
God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Pandi: "Please take this
silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven..."
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a
booming voice: "I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so &
so Church for
the last 40 years."
God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: "Please take this cotton
robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ..."
"Just a minute," says the agonized Priest. "How is it that a foul
mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden
scarf and me, a
Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has
to make do with a Cotton robe?"
"Results my friend, Results", shrugs God.
"While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people PRAYED"
It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts.
FW: "SIMHA" MOVIE SPECIAL OFFER
Funny mail... but looks like film makers and fans are resorting to any kind of publicity(+ve or -ve).
Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2010 11:34 AM
Subject: "SIMHA" MOVIE SPECIAL OFFER
Most awaited World Wide Release of the decade SIMHA is expected to break all time record Collections of AVATAR/ 3 IDIOTS etc with the bellow attractive packages:
Gear up to Grab the offer:
The below mentioned rates are applicable in Ordinary Cinemas in India irrespective of Age and Gender.
Entry in the beginning of the movie: 1/-
Exit in the middle of the movie: 200/-
Exit at the end of the movie : Not applicable.
Location: All Centers.
The below mentioned rates are applicable in India irrespective of Age and Gender.
Multiplexes Special Package:
Entry in the beginning of the movie: Free Free Free
Exit in the middle of the movie: 500/-
Exit at the end of the movie : Not applicable.
Location: All Centers.
Overseas Package:
Entry to the movie : Free pick-up within 10miles radius from the Cinema to respective Seats.
Exit in the middle of the movie: 75 USD or equal amount in respective Currencies
Exit at the end of the movie : Sorry , only first half will be screened ,assuming every one leave the Cinema by that time.
Drop Service (which would be mandatory) : 75 USD or equal amount in respective Currencies to the nearest available Hospitals.
Location: All Centers.
Note: No Health Insurance company would bare the amount claimed by the SIMHA Victims. This special Clause is included in all the medical policies recently!!
Coolest Sardar
A Pakistani, a Bangladeshi and a Sardarji are sitting at a Pub in Bavaria drinking beer.
The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice.'
The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Dhaka we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.'
Our Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi. He says 'In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice'.
The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice.'
The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Dhaka we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.'
Our Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi. He says 'In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice'.
What is a vampire?
Baby asked her mom: "Mommy, Mommy! what's a vampire?"
Mom Replied: "Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!"
Mom Replied: "Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!"
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