A Letter from a S/W Professional to his girl friend
Sweetheart, I've seen you yesterday while surfing on local train platform and realised that you are the only site I was browsing for. For long time,I've been lonely,this has been the bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now. My life is just uncompiled program without you which never produces an executable code and hence is useless.
You are not only beautiful by face but all your ActiveX controls are attractive as well.Your smile is so delightful which encourages me and gives power to me equal to thousands of mainframes processing power.
When you looked at me last evening, I felt like all my program modules are running smoothly and giving expected results. /* which I never experienced before */.
With this letter,I just want to convey you that, if we are linked together,I'll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for human being to live a error free life. Also don't bother about the firewall which may be created by our parents as I've strong hacking capabilities by which I'll ultimately break their security passwords and make them agree for our marriage. I anticipate that nobody has already logged in to your database so that my connect script will fail. And its all certain that if this happened to me,my system will crash beyond recovery.
Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of your inbox.
---A Software Professional
Real Court scenes
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters -- who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
----------------------------
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
----------------------------
Q. What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A. Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
----------------------------
Q. This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A. Yes.
Q. And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
----------------------------
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
----------------------------
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
----------------------------
Q. What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q. And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
----------------------------
Q. Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A. We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
----------------------------
Q: Now doctor isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
----------------------------
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
----------------------------
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
---------------------------
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None
Q: Were there any girls?
----------------------------
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
----------------------------
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
----------------------------
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a disposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
----------------------------
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
----------------------------
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
----------------------------
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30pm
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
----------------------------
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
----------------------------
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
----------------------------
Q. What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A. Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
----------------------------
Q. This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A. Yes.
Q. And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
----------------------------
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
----------------------------
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
----------------------------
Q. What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q. And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
----------------------------
Q. Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A. We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
----------------------------
Q: Now doctor isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
----------------------------
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
----------------------------
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
---------------------------
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None
Q: Were there any girls?
----------------------------
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
----------------------------
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
----------------------------
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a disposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
----------------------------
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
----------------------------
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
----------------------------
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30pm
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
----------------------------
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
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