Jay Leno
* America will get to hear those four words we've been waiting for, "former President George Bush," President Bush said he is leaving Washington with his head held high, because it is the best way to spot shoes that are coming at you.
* Osama bin Laden has released a new tape where he displays a shortness of breath, and experts say it raises questions about his health. See, that's how you know this war has been going on too long, O.K.? When our enemies start dying of natural causes.
* "President Bush announced before he leaves office, he wants to visit the poorest regions of the world. You know, any place where people can't afford to buy shoes."
* "The guy is being called a hero in the Arab world. So, he has this plan and it's a failure. And he's a hero. You know, if that's the standard, Bush would be the biggest hero in the Arab world."
* "It's not just President Bush, today somebody threw a pair of shoes at Sarah Palin. And she was very upset. She said, 'Do you have these in black?' and threw them back."
DAVID LETTERMAN
* Bush is getting nostalgic. He says he's not sure how he will feel on Jan. 21, but I think I kind of know how the rest of us will feel.
* By the way, one week from tomorrow, here's what's going to happen. George W. Bush will be walking around on the ranch in Crawford, Texas, and he'll be saying: "Listen to this, boys. You ought to see it. The office, it's an oval. Like a circle but it's an oval. I'm not kidding. No corners. It's like an oval. Honest to God. I was there for eight years."
* President Bush had his final press conference, and it went pretty well. Only three shoes were thrown.
* I've got to give President Bush credit for this, because he's taking it all pretty well. He says that he's actually happy about the shoe-throwing episode, because he says it proves finally that Iraq does, in fact, possess foot wear of mass destruction.
* It's cold here in New York City. The temperature is actually lower than President Bush's approval rating.
CONAN O'BRIEN
* Larry King interviewed President Bush, and Bush told him, "My favorite color is blue and I love enchiladas." Unfortunately, Bush was answering the question, "What was your greatest achievement as President?"
* Today, President Bush told reporters that the shoe-throwing incident was one of the weirdest moments of his presidency. Yeah, Bush said the only thing weirder was the time he got re-elected.
Jimmy Kimmel
* President Bush will soon be gone from the White House, but he's not going to fade away. He's only 62 years old and he says there are still plenty of challenges to fail to meet, there are still goals to fall short of, and people to disappoint.
* The President was on "Larry King" last night for one last hard-hitting interview before he packs up and tries to find his way back home to Texas. King asked the President if he personally lost money in the stock market. Bush said he has no idea because all his money is in a blind trust managed by a Nigerian prince who's about to collect a huge inheritance.
* I like that the President doesn't know where his money is. If he doesn't know where ours is, he shouldn't know where his is either, right?
* Let me tell you something, it was an historic day — I think that's the right way to say it, in Washington, as all four living presidents and our president-elect had lunch together at the White House. Presidents Clinton, Carter, both Bushes, and Barack Obama sat down to share a meal. President Bush was especially excited. It's his place, and when the guys all walked in, he went, "Hey, you're the guys from the paintings in my office."
* President Bush made history by becoming the first sitting U.S. president to attend the Olympics in a foreign country. He said he's been looking forward to it ever since he heard that in China, people aren't allowed to make fun of political leaders.
Craig Ferguson
* Bush was amazing. You see how quickly Bush got out of the way? Bush has been accused of dodging issues in the past, but who knew he could actually dodge shoes?
No comments:
Post a Comment