Cannibals

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees ".
The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees. Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however.  Do any of you know what happened to her? "
The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer.

After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the developer? "
One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now you ate one developer and it got noticed. "

Why men are happier people


What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

Poetic Resignation - funny!


The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don't know if I should stay.
 
To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don't know if I should stay.

The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don't know if I should stay!

The managers don't know what they talk
The team doesn't know where they walk
That's a bad situation, what say?
I don't know if I should stay.

I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can't keep switching day by day
I don't know if I should stay.

The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It's all done, I won't stay.

IT Consultant

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd: "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 20 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 50 page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."

The shepherd cheers," That's correct, you can have your sheep."

The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

The young man answers, "Yes, why not". The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant ".

"How did you know?" asks the young man.

"Very simple ," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something which I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything about my business... Now can I have my *DOG* back? "

Problem

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he
called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not,go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the garden. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."
Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response.
So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response so, He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her.  "Honey, what's for dinner?"
"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Moral of the story:
The problem may not be with the other one as we always think, could be very much within us..!

BOEING! BOEING!!

Our Sardarji got an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. Sardarji had never flied before and hence was quite excited although tense. Once he boarded the plane, a BOEING 707 Sardaji started jumping in excitement,jumping from seat to seat and shouting 'BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....'. He forgot all about the surroundings and the shouting reached the cock-pit.

Irritated by the sound, the Pilot came out and shouted 'BE SILENT! '.

There was a pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody was  looking at the Sardarji and the angry Pilot.
Sardarji stared at the Pilot in silence for a moment and the next moment was shouting, 'OEING!     OEING!!          OEING!!!   OE...'.

Ladies.... keep quiet!

Teacher tells a student a=b, b=c implies a=c. Tell me an example.
Student : I love u - u love your daughter - so I love your daughter.

It's funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage".
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".

A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat) Analysis.
He said, my strength is my wife.
My weakness is my neighbours wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out.
Threat comes when I myself go out

Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now... may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"