Appraisal Letter

Dear Manager (HR),

1. Vivek, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Vivek works independently, without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vivek never
4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often Vivek takes extended
6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7. breaks. Vivek is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vivek can be
10. classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vivek be
12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13. sent away as soon as possible.

Signed - Project Leader


NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13)for my true assessment of him.

Multitasking - Invention

Hmm.. never thought this way.

Cute Prayer

choooo.... cute!!

You Can be A Hero

"You Dont Need To Jump Off Buildings to be a Hero."

Click to see.. HOW You can be a Hero.

The IT Reality !

One day a man was having a conversation with God when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints. He asked God "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??" to which God answered

"Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you in my hands"

--- NOW IN THE IT WORLD ---

Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Project Manager (PM) when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints. I asked my PM "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??" to which the PM answered

"Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times, I was sitting on your head!!"

Some Jokes

Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
-------

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
-------

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
-------

Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
-------

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
-------

Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
-------

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
-------

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
-------

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
-------

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
-------

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

Stupid Questions - Smart Answers

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Indian Moms

A young Indian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.

He says, "Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. Later, he says, "Okay Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one on the right."
"Wow That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

The Indian mother replies, " I don't like her ".

Hot Air Balloon

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know."

"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must work in business."
"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help... You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

Sardar Detective

A policeman was testing 3 Singh brothers who were training to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first Singh a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first Singh answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second Singh and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second Singh smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third Singh and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The Singh looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the Singh replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

Sardar and Tiger

Sardar Dhakaan Singh is a big hunter. Once he went to a zoo. At that time a big tiger escaped from its cage. The zoo officials sent everyone out of the zoo and closed the main gate.

Now the tiger is inside the zoo but wandering freely. Zoo people requested sardar to go inside and trap the tiger in a cage. Scared but to avoid insult he went into the zoo in his jeep carrying a big gun.

While driving on one of the zoo's roads, he noticed that the tiger is chasing him. Feeling scared he drove the jeep fast but only to observe that the tiger is very near to the jeep.

At that time the road separated into two paths ahead, one to the left and other to the right.

Then cleverly, Dhakaan put the left indicator on and turned the jeep to the road on right. The tiger ran into the left path. With a sigh of relief, he drove forward.

After some time the roads meet and the same situation arises again. Once more the road divides into two and this time our sardar is smart enough to put the right indicator on and turned to left. This time the tiger goes into the road on right side.

After some time the roads meet again to our sardar's misfortune and the tiger starts to chase him again. This time the road never divides and our sardar thought the tiger would catch him.

Then a brilliant idea struck his mind. He slows down his jeep taking it to the left corner of the road.

Then he held his hand outside and a gives signal which is given for vehicles which want to overtake.

The tiger this time overtakes his jeep and runs forward.





NOW TELL ME WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY ??

ANSWER BELOW............




















MORAL: "There are Sardar Communities in Tigers too" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Little Jhonny Jokes

"Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly not!" answered his mother.
"If you do," Little Johnny went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? what did he say?"
"He said, 'Hey, Juanita, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.'"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6.
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'
"What's the fuXXing difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch...'"
"Johnny !" shouted his mother. "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords."
"But, Mom," replied the boy, "that's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it."

Next day Johnny's mother went right into the classroom to complain. "Oh, heavens !" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four.' "

Animator vs. Animation

A Very nice Thriller animation from Alan Becker.

Bug in Notepad

This is really weird. Follow the steps below...

1. Open an empty notepad file
2. Type "Bush hid the facts" (without the quotes)
3. Save it as whatever you want and where ever u want.
4. Close it, and re-open it (in Notepad).
5. TADA!!!

What a bug!!!

I am curious... What does it finally say ??

Preist and Doorbell

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.

However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

To which the boy replies, "Come on! Run! before the door opens"

Summary of Bhagavad Gita

Bhagavad Gita translated for IT world. This is written in Hindi.



The actual summary of Bhagavad Gita can be found here, in English.

How Software is Developed

Here is a Funny pic that explain what generally happens during the development of a Software Program.

A Marriage Invitation in Orkut

This is called the Height of Marriage Invitation.

These guys have customised Orkut to look like a Marriage Invitaion.. Have a look.

Stress Tension and Panic

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant

And Panic is when both are pregnant

Sardar - Application Form

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job.

He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX.
He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK.

On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.

Funny Indian TV Show Ad

Bill in Hell

Bill Gates dies and goes to hell. Satan greets him, "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a PC in the corner.

Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option." "Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.

Lucifer: That was Bill Gates! Why did you give him the best place of all?
Satan: That's what everyone thinks!
Lucifer: What about the PC?
Satan (laughing): It's got Windows 95! And it's missing three keys!
Lucifer: Which three?
Satan (screaming): Control, Alt and Delete!

Try breaking this glass

This is an Ad of 3M. 3M is so confident about its Security Glass.. they put real money between their security glasses.. openly in a Bus Stop.. WOW!!!

Electric Shock?

This is a Funny and Educative picture.. showing the effects of different amounts of Electricity.

Internet - How Useful !

Moto Abhishek Bachchan

This is a Funny Indian Ad of Motorola.

Beauty without Brains?

A man goes to heaven after death.
He gets to meet God and asks Him if he can ask a few questions.
"Sure", God replies.
"OK", the man says. "Why did you make women so beautiful?"
God says, "So you would love them."

The man thinks for a while and then asks, "But then why did you make them such airheads?"
God says, "So they would love YOU!"

Watch this video to believe it.

Are you in a Bar?

A Girl friend calls her Boyfriend, she hears noise and asks if he is in a bar. This guy has actually skipped boring party with her family and enjoying in a Bar.

Now how does he react... watch this video.. it is very very nice.